So it has been a long three months and one week since my world shifted and the life I knew as the carefree, young 20-something, martini-drinking, fashion and shoe obsessed socialite morphed into an non-paying job with the title “mom.” My new life is full of worrying… worrying if somehow I am going to damage my daughter, worrying when she sleeps that she is going to stop breathing and I will walk in and find the worst, and worrying that maybe I really don’t know what I’m doing. Then Ava opens her big blue eyes, looks up at me and squeals flashing her huge gummy smile and I momentarily feel carefree again.
Having your first child is absolutely a terrifying and rewarding experience all in the same. You don’t know what to expect and you worry… a lot. You worry that you aren’t going to know what you are doing, or that you will somehow accidentally kill the baby. You worry that you aren’t going to be able to handle the labor pains when the time comes, or that you might not be ready for such a life change like you originally thought. You worry yourself sick thinking about the worst that can happen to the baby in any situation. But at the end of the day when you find yourself putting her down for the night or staying up all night trying to hush her wailing because she doesn’t want to go down for the night, you just can’t escape the overwhelming feeling of unconditional love that you may not have realized you would ever feel for someone.
Some days are absolutely tough, and then I breeze right on through the others. But I will never regret the day I found out I was pregnant and decided to keep the baby. She was an unplanned blessing and a challenge I knew I was up for. As cliché as it may sound, she’s given so much more meaning to my life!
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