sadness

We arrived at the NICU today so excited and happy that we would not be leaving without our daughter. As soon as we got there, however, we were advised that we would not be able to bring Ava home today. When I heard those words I just wanted to cry or scream, but of course I didn't. It was such a let down from all of the excitement that was building inside me the day before.

The nurse explained to us that this morning for the first time the Doctor had heard a heart murmur as he was checking Ava. A few moments later they were going to be sending her for an EKG (electrocardiogram) which is an often difficult test to run on a newborn. Ava needs to stay completely still in order to get an accurate reading so the Cardiologist asked if I would come with her to assist.

We gave Ava sugar water on her pacifier to keep her still and concentrated on one thing. She LOVED that sugar water and it did the trick because we were able to get a successful reading after only one try. The Cardiologist advised me that the results would be given to Ava's doctor and he would let us know if the murmur is something serious.

When we returned to the NICU the nurses put me at ease by telling me that a murmur is a very common occurence in preemies. A preemie's heart is not always done developing when they are born so there is a small hole that normally will close on it's own as the baby grows. The majority of preemies don't need surgery or any intervention and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is the case with Ava.

Today we are also told that Ava will be coming home with an Apnea Monitor. She will need to be hooked up to the monitor 24/7 and it will record every breath she takes and monitor her heart rate. There will be loud alarms that will go off if she stops breathing for more than 20 seconds. The hospital scheduled us for a training course that we are to attend tomorrow that will teach us how to use the monitor and what to do if Ava stops breathing. We are also going to be taught infant CPR. We have to complete all of this before we can take Ava home.

I'm actually looking foward to the course because it will teach me a little bit more about what happens when Ava stops breathing and how to care for her when she does since there will be no nurses around to help. We may or may not be bringing Ava home tomorrow, it all depends on the results of her EKG but before we left the hospital today the doctor told us to still be prepared to take her home in the case that she does get discharged. I guess we'll have to wait and see.