Today I am being discharged from the hospital without Ava. She still needs to stay in the NICU and I'm told she could be there anywhere from two to five weeks before she'll be allowed to come home with us. I have been able to keep it together until now and as I'm being discharged I can't help but finally let the tears flow and let myself lose a bit of the control I've been trying to maintain over the situation.
It's not fair that I have to go home without my daughter in my arms unlike every other mother leaving the hospital with their babies today. It's not fair that I haven't even been able to hold her yet. Instead, I'm going home to a house full of baby clothes, toys and an empty cradle with no baby. She'll be three miles away at the hospital without her mommy to let her know she'll be okay. I'll have to drive to visit her whenever I want to see her instead of walking twenty-five feet down the hall. I'm such emotional mess right now that I can't even grasp the words to describe how I'm feeling.
It's not fair that I have to go home without my daughter in my arms unlike every other mother leaving the hospital with their babies today. It's not fair that I haven't even been able to hold her yet. Instead, I'm going home to a house full of baby clothes, toys and an empty cradle with no baby. She'll be three miles away at the hospital without her mommy to let her know she'll be okay. I'll have to drive to visit her whenever I want to see her instead of walking twenty-five feet down the hall. I'm such emotional mess right now that I can't even grasp the words to describe how I'm feeling.
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