I had my first post-op visit today to make sure I’m healing okay. I was very eager to get to my appointment because I had a few questions I needed answered.
I woke up this morning wanting to know why Ava was born premature. Did I do something wrong for this to happen? Was there something I missed that could have prevented her from being born too soon? Why did this happen? I had a glitch-free pregnancy, I’m young, I’m healthy, I don’t understand it at all.
I asked my OB if she knew why something like this happens. She gave me a handful of reasons:
1. The presence of an infection. (this was not the case and my water was perfectly clear)
2. Genetics (but it doesn’t run in either family… no one has delivered premature until me)
3. Bleeding (I didn’t bleed, my water broke… all over the place!)
4. Ava was breech (She explained that this may have put uneven pressure on my cervix causing me to dilate early. Once you begin to dilate your cervix can no longer support the weight so your water breaks)
The last suggestion seems the most probable in my case especially since I was 8 cm dilated 1 hour after my water broke. But my doctor told me that we will never know for sure why it happened. I didn’t like hearing those words come out of her mouth. I have to know, I need to know. I need to know if I did something wrong or if I could have prevented it! I can’t help these feelings of guilt that run in and out of my mind.
My OB also told me that if I get pregnant again I will be considered a high risk pregnancy and will have to take extra precautions throughout my pregnancy. The most horrible part of what she said is that my chances of having another premature baby in the future are probable. I am now terrified to ever have another premature child. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to get through it a second time.
I woke up this morning wanting to know why Ava was born premature. Did I do something wrong for this to happen? Was there something I missed that could have prevented her from being born too soon? Why did this happen? I had a glitch-free pregnancy, I’m young, I’m healthy, I don’t understand it at all.
I asked my OB if she knew why something like this happens. She gave me a handful of reasons:
1. The presence of an infection. (this was not the case and my water was perfectly clear)
2. Genetics (but it doesn’t run in either family… no one has delivered premature until me)
3. Bleeding (I didn’t bleed, my water broke… all over the place!)
4. Ava was breech (She explained that this may have put uneven pressure on my cervix causing me to dilate early. Once you begin to dilate your cervix can no longer support the weight so your water breaks)
The last suggestion seems the most probable in my case especially since I was 8 cm dilated 1 hour after my water broke. But my doctor told me that we will never know for sure why it happened. I didn’t like hearing those words come out of her mouth. I have to know, I need to know. I need to know if I did something wrong or if I could have prevented it! I can’t help these feelings of guilt that run in and out of my mind.
My OB also told me that if I get pregnant again I will be considered a high risk pregnancy and will have to take extra precautions throughout my pregnancy. The most horrible part of what she said is that my chances of having another premature baby in the future are probable. I am now terrified to ever have another premature child. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to get through it a second time.
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