Day 5

A.M. Visit

I visited Ava twice today in the NICU. I was allowed to hold her during only the first visit and I dreaded having to put her back into her incubator. I was able to "feed" her for the first time today as well. Ava's feeding may have only consisted of me holding her tube while the milk flowed down it but it was a moment where I was able to step in and take over as her parent.

None of this may sound like much but it really meant the world to me. I was finally getting a little bit of the hands-on parenting I've been craving instead of sitting back and watching the NICU staff care for my child and do the things that I'm supposed to be doing.

Ava seems to be taking to these new feedings of breast milk well which is helping me to feel like my pumping sessions are beginning to serve a real purpose. Soon we will try her with a bottle to see if she can figure out how to suck. It seems crazy that she has survived so far with only nutrition from an IV but her intestines are not ready for real food yet, they still needed time to fully develop.

My parents met us at the hospital today so they could have the opportunity of holding Ava. Only the parents and grandparents are allowed in the NICU, all other guests are restricted to looking through the glass window. I feel bad for my 4 siblings and Mel's sister who are all dying to see & and hold Ava but they all have to wait until she comes home and I allow her to be held.

This is what heaven feels like

Grandpa & Ava

Grandma & Ava

P.M. Visit

Ava may be doing well with learning to eat, but she's not making much progress with maintaining her body temperature. Keeping her temp is vital to her health as having too low of a body temp burns up precious calories and uses up oxygen that is important for Ava to maintain if not gain weight. The incubator is constantly monitoring her temperature and the more we open it to touch Ava, the harder her body has to work to stay warm. This is like a slow form of torture for me as during our second trip to the hospital tonight I was able to look but not hold her! I was even restricted with how long I could touch her since we had to keep her incubator sealed.

Ava's home inside the incubator