First Photo

The first time I saw Ava aside from when I was still sedated the moment she was born was on a 1 1/4’’ x 1’’ LCD screen on my camera. Mel had just returned from his visit to Ava in the NICU and took a few pictures of her so I could see her. She was so tiny and had so many wires and tubes coming out of her. Her face was so covered up by the C-PAP and the Endotracheal tube and tape that I couldn’t even make out who or what she looked like. I didn’t dare to count the amount of wires and tubes attached to her tiny little body.

It was at that moment that I felt a rush of guilt about why this tiny little innocent baby girl has to go through such a big and serious ordeal. She’s fighting to breathe to stay alive and she’s only a few hours old. It should not be this way at all, she shouldn’t have to fight, it’s not right! I was so angry and sad that she had to go through it alone without me there to hold her and rock her to sleep and tell her it would be ok. I wanted so badly to trade places with her as I looked at her picture. I still didn’t cry, however, because my family was all watching me as I looked at her tiny picture. I kept my grief and sadness tucked away inside my mind with her picture.

After I saw her picture I finally remembered to ask how big she was. I can't believe I forgot to ask such a simple question. That's usually the first information you recieve when the baby is born but everyone's minds were on other things at the moment of her birth. So I finally asked. Ava is 5 lbs, 15 oz, 19 1/2 inches long. When i asked what the average size is for a full term baby I find out that Ava is average height, meaning she is tall for a premature baby. This is finally some good news as I'm told that her size should help her to get healthy much sooner.