Meeting You

At 1:34am on July 25th, I was rescued from my wandering thoughts and questions when my night nurse came to my bedside and told me that she would break protocol and allow me to see my daughter. I can’t even put into words how thankful I was that she assisted me out of my bed and into a wheel chair even though I was on bed rest for another 12 hours due to my surgery. She understood my need as a mother to see my newborn daughter as she wheeled me down the hall to NICU and I will forever be thankful that she allowed me the opportunity to formally meet my baby girl.

Before I could enter the NICU I had to “scrub in” so that I was not bringing any outside germs into the sterile environment. There was a sink outside the door to the NICU and a little packet that included a scrub sponge and a pick to clean under your nails. This was such a daunting task that made me a little afraid to even touch Ava as I might make her sick. Little did I know that as a NICU parent I would become accustomed to scrubbing in at least 10 times a day.

I wheeled into the NICU for the first time and as I looked around I was overwhelmed my the machines and monitors that were keeping these tiny babies alive. An LNP from the NICU quickly looked at my hospital band on my wrist and wheeled me over to Ava’s bedside. Suddenly every question and concern I had was completely forgotten as I looked at how tiny and perfect she was.

Ava was asleep and I was afraid to touch her but the nurse assured me it would be alright. She also updated me on Ava’s condition and the most recent tests they had run but I wasn’t really focusing on the words that were coming out of her mouth. I just stared at my little girl and all of the machines and wires that were keeping her alive at that very moment and I wanted to cry but I didn’t. I placed my finger into the palm of Ava’s tiny hand and she closed her fingers around mine with a quick squeeze as I blinked back a tear of joy.

Ava is on a Radiant Warmer to keep her warm. She has a pulse oxometer attatched to her foot and an Intravenous line in her hand with a splint to keep it in place. The C-PAP is the large tube accross her face and the sensors on her stomach are for the Cardiopulmonary monitor.

I really wish I could see her face but she is still Beautiful!