When Ava was born my faith was tested and most of it was lost. I will admit that I became less religious after losing all of my 3 grandparents within a few years each other. Going to church never felt the same after their funerals and it became a place I just didn't want to be. I was angry.
Then Ava arrived and tested what little faith I had left. I became angrier and frustrated. I was angry because babies should not have to suffer. They shouldn't have to go through such serious ordeals that they can't even begin to understand. But it happens, everyday, and it just breaks my heart.
I was angry because no one knew the reason it happened, no one could tell me why Ava was born 5 weeks too soon. I needed a reason, I needed something to blame. To cope. To move on. But there was no explanation, so I blamed myself and then I blamed God. Because I couldn't understand why he would do such a thing to an innocent baby. And there I lost my faith. I stopped praying even though others still prayed for us.
Then there are the McClenahans, a family I never met and whose blog I stumbled upon recently. Reading their heart wrenching story made me relive the 11 days we spent in the hospital with Ava when she was born. Waiting. Wondering. Praying for a miracle. Just as the McClenahans did. We had the same hope of bringing our baby home healthy. And as they were waiting, and praying for their miracle which seems to be the only thing you can do when your child is in the hospital, they lost their sweet baby girl, Cora Paige. On February 8th, their little angel made the journey to heaven after losing her short battle with cancer.
Three weeks before she passed they were a carefree family raising a beautiful daughter with many hopes and dreams for her future. And now they are raising funds to build a playground at their church in honor of Cora who never made it to her 1st birthday. The McClenehans had so much faith through their ordeal and is relying on that faith to get them through such a difficult time.
Their faith was tested and they held strong. My faith was tested and I let go. I've slowly been finding my way back since the day that I finally rid myself of the anger I felt over Ava's prematurity. I've come to accept that these horrible things will happen to some of our little ones. I also believe that because these things must happen, God chooses the families and the people who are strong enough to handle it. He chooses the ones who will turn something so ugly into something beautiful.
In honor of Cora and her family's strength, I joined the Cora Playground Etsy Project to help this amazing family raise money to build a playground at their church dedicated to Cora. Check out the hundreds of items on Etsy with proceeds going to benefit the playground.
♥ If you simply want to make a donation to help build this playground, visit CoraPaige.com.
Remembering Ava at Cora's age
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